Tools Explained
Tools Explained
DRILL PRESS:
A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted project which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.
WIRE WHEEL:
Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, "Oh, xxxx!"
SKILL SAW:
A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.
PLIERS:
Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters.
BELT SANDER:
An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.
HACKSAW:
One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle... It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.
VISE-GRIPS:
Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.
OXYACETYLENE TORCH:
Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing race..
TABLE SAW:
A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity.
HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK:
Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.
BAND SAW:
A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut good aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash can after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge.
TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST:
A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you forgot to disconnect.
PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER:
Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but , can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.
STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER:
A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws and butchering your palms.
PRY BAR:
A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.
HOSE CUTTER:
A tool used to make hoses too short.
HAMMER:
Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the object we are trying to hit.
UTILITY KNIFE:
Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use.
Son of a b*tch TOOL:
Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling "Son of a b1tch" at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need.
Shamelessly stolen from another forum...
DRILL PRESS:
A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted project which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.
WIRE WHEEL:
Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, "Oh, xxxx!"
SKILL SAW:
A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.
PLIERS:
Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters.
BELT SANDER:
An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.
HACKSAW:
One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle... It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.
VISE-GRIPS:
Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.
OXYACETYLENE TORCH:
Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing race..
TABLE SAW:
A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity.
HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK:
Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.
BAND SAW:
A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut good aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash can after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge.
TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST:
A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you forgot to disconnect.
PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER:
Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but , can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.
STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER:
A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws and butchering your palms.
PRY BAR:
A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.
HOSE CUTTER:
A tool used to make hoses too short.
HAMMER:
Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the object we are trying to hit.
UTILITY KNIFE:
Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use.
Son of a b*tch TOOL:
Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling "Son of a b1tch" at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need.
![[Image: Sig-enginebay.jpg]](http://i5.photobucket.com/albums/y179/SteveHammatt/Sig-enginebay.jpg)
IS200 Turbo project now just about complete ! See my thread here and leave your comments.
Now running standalone Syvecs ECU and no stock ECU !
steviewevie
29-09-2017, 01:21 AM #2Nice one :laugh:
IS200 Turbo project now just about complete ! See my thread here and leave your comments.
Now running standalone Syvecs ECU and no stock ECU !
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC] [COLOR="DarkOrchid"]That symbol on the side of my door.. Definition by FirebirdPhil 'Translated it means -
"try to overtake - go on give it a go I dare you......." [/COLOR]
I'm not an Outlaw; I'm a Poutlaw! Purple Supras are the bestest! I love purple .. a lot lot lot
purplewitch
29-09-2017, 02:03 AM #4Brilliant !
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC] [COLOR="DarkOrchid"]That symbol on the side of my door.. Definition by FirebirdPhil 'Translated it means -
"try to overtake - go on give it a go I dare you......." [/COLOR]
I'm not an Outlaw; I'm a Poutlaw! Purple Supras are the bestest! I love purple .. a lot lot lot
My Garage
Supra Build Thread
' Nothing feels quick when your other car has a 1000bhp - JamieP
Quote:A Supra without a spoiler is like a Gypsy's dog without a Nob.
Dan_Turism0
29-09-2017, 03:05 AM #6can think of a few times i've used the SoB tool
My Garage
Supra Build Thread
' Nothing feels quick when your other car has a 1000bhp - JamieP
Quote:A Supra without a spoiler is like a Gypsy's dog without a Nob.
"Life's goal is not to arrive safely at the grave in a well preserved body. But, rather to skid in sideways........
totally worn out and broken, shouting 'Holy ****, WHAT A RIDE!'"
FirebirdPhil
29-09-2017, 03:40 AM #7good one.
"Life's goal is not to arrive safely at the grave in a well preserved body. But, rather to skid in sideways........
totally worn out and broken, shouting 'Holy ****, WHAT A RIDE!'"
Lexus IS200 Mods--TTE Supercharger, Tein Superstreet Coilovers & EDFC, 6000K HID Lights, HKS Silent High Power Exhaust, DBA Front Discs, Kenwood DNX9240 Head Unit, 19" Rims, TRD Kit, FIGS Bonnet Struts, Greddy Pillar Pod & Defi Gauges, TTE Red ARBS . And Been To WIM twice
Very good and all of them are so true :lol:
Lexus IS200 Mods--TTE Supercharger, Tein Superstreet Coilovers & EDFC, 6000K HID Lights, HKS Silent High Power Exhaust, DBA Front Discs, Kenwood DNX9240 Head Unit, 19" Rims, TRD Kit, FIGS Bonnet Struts, Greddy Pillar Pod & Defi Gauges, TTE Red ARBS . And Been To WIM twice
![[Image: FB_IMG_1474048273787_zpsnbfq6a3s.jpg]](http://i1227.photobucket.com/albums/ee440/davis5835/Mobile%20Uploads/FB_IMG_1474048273787_zpsnbfq6a3s.jpg)
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